I know I am too scared to tell anyone my actual weight, so I thought today I would describe how much I weigh within a range of characteristics common to the horizontal. I am not heavy enough for the sit-in-the-chair-and-break-it stage, but I am not small enough to be walking around a pool in a bathing suit without people looking just a moment too long, and giving their bathing suit a tug--feeling sympathetically self-consciece. I am not heavy enough to be forced in a mumu, but I am not thin enough to be comfotable in non-elastic pants. Speaking of mumus, above is a picture of a fellow food freak on a particualrly "fat" day, yay Homer. It reminds me of the three mumus I wore when I was 8 1/2 months pregnant--puchased by my mom . I would wear terribly tight slob t-shirts and nasty pajama pants, and my mom baught me neon PINK, BLUE, AND PURPLE mumus, she said "Don't you think it's nice to just throw something on? And it looks really classy; it has a nice line, better than those grungy things." Those of you who know my sweet mom understand exactly how she would say it. At first I wore them just to be nice, but then I fell in love. No elastic, no bulging, just lots and lots of flowing fabric. In case you are wondering, I put them in storage. I forced myself to say goodbye until next time, tear. So I am fat enough to WANT to wear mumus right now, but smart enought to say no, enough is enough. Ok, let's continue: I am not fat enough to pant when I walk accross the room, but I am not thin enough to wear a fited shirt without honest children thinking I am six months pregnant. I am not fat enough to have to wear old-lady black Rebocks with cankles spilling out, but I am not thin enough to strut in stilletoes without wabbling (is anyone thin enough to wear those monsters?) I'm not fat enough for blimp jokes, but I am fat enough for yo' mama jokes. Ohh I could go on and on. But now I will relax with my daily chocolate ration (two frozen squares of Hershey's) and dream of prancing by the pool in my purple mumu with too-dark nylons and black granny shoes.