Friday, February 26, 2010

"Snapped" out of it

I realize that my last post was awfully grouchy, but I am being honest about my ups and downs. There, no more apologies for my mood swings, you get it don't you? So yesterday after I came home from the library to post the toilet entry, I was thinking about my sisters and how they are all beautiful, skinny, and do everything right. I drew this picture called "The Fatly Duckling" to illustrate my plight.

I am one of nine sisters: Emily, Cheryl, Mary, Alison, Suzanne, Rebecca, Cathy, Julie: just two years older than me, but sadly we lost her to Hodgkin's Lymphoma 10 years ago. And me: Christina-Bina: there I am as the "The Fatly Duckling," Julie is the angel ducky. I realized each of my sisters have unique personalities, unique difficulties, and they have all struggled to lose weight at one time or another. But I think the drawing is still pretty funny.
Last night as I was dancing in the back yard to the music of my own pity-party I started to think: "What would Julie say to me right now?" And it came to me, instantly. She would say the same thing she said to me 10 years ago when I chose not to continue Cross Country after my knee injury, "Don't be such a baby, you can do it." Then I sighed, sat on the hammock swing and continued to self-loath. Back and forth, back and forth, "This is just so hard, and I gained three pounds, AGGHh, What if I REALLY get injured and can't continue at all? Maybe I'm just not meant to be thin," I teetered On and on: in the spiral of self-doubt, then SNAP, KERPLUNK!! In an instant I was laying on concrete with a web of hammock smeared around me, it broke, I fell. At first I was stunned. I looked at the dusk-stained clouds with my mouth agape. "Am I ok?" Then, I burst into unbelievable laughter. It was quite a site--a Disney exhausted mom lying on a dirty back porch cackling, like an evil witch, with child patting hair gently. It was too funny: I broke the hammock swing just as I was beating apart my insides about gaining a little weight. I HAD to laugh. And let's look on the bright side, I could have broken my back in the fall: not so for this fatty. I took the time to look at my left butt-cheek in the mirror. That fat blob absorbed most of the fall--it looked like someone branded me with a Belgian waffle iron. Needless to say I DID run this morning, the whole way, and FAST. Nothing snaps a girl back into weight-loss motivation like breaking a swing. When I have a second I will post the picture I took right after the fall, yes, it really happened.

10 comments:

  1. Bina. You just make me laugh, even when you tell sad stories like that. You just have a great way of writing and I feel like I'm right there with you. I so appreciate your words. AND, your picture is adorable! I love the Julie ducky, how sweet. And you're a perfect duck yourself silly. I love that I GET to know you. I'm privileged and you make me realize lots of things about my life that I've not thought about and about how to tackle problems and stuff. You think you are just helping YOU with this blog but you are helping me and others as well. Thanks for writing all the time, I really look forward to it, it's my daily does of inspiration!!

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  2. Doesn't it feel great to be able to laugh at yourself? I'm so glad that you've given yourself some slack. You've been working really hard at your goal! Just one day at a time, right? Keep it up!

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  3. You and I both, sista!
    I've got a broken bed that reminds me everyday that my butts too big!
    I hope your knee feels better! You're so strong to be running as far as you are!

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  4. Way to SNAP out of it Bina!! I guess like what you said, we all have our own difficulties. You just are very honest and straight forward, where some of us hide behind our 'blags' (Bragging blogs). Just so you know I've ripped many a pant that I was SQUEEZING into. I have a pair of jeans that will be my gardening jeans because I unknowingly made holes in the upper thighs because of 'chub rub.'

    As Dad would say, " YOU ARE ALL RIGHT!!"

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  5. Paul broke our Ikea couch just by sitting on it. He moved to the other side and it broke there too.

    You can edit your drawing because I'm quite round, and lumpy right now. At least you don't have the challenge of snow - I don't think I'll hit the streets until mid march

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  6. I guess that's what happens when you buy a hammock at a yard sale, right? Keep up the good work!

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  7. Bina,
    I agree with Al - the picture definately needs some editing - we are not as skinny as you think we are - we all have our share of lumps and bumps. Also, your picture fails to portray all of your unique, wonderful qualities that the rest of us are envious of: your amazing singing voice, creativity, writing skills, and now-carooning. I love the little Julie ducky - so cute. We all miss her and she gives us inspiration, but I know that she would just tell you what the rest of us are saying: "We love you and keep up the good work!"

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  8. Hey Bina, can you add a big muffin to my duck, and a nice thick layer of "back fat, back fat."
    i haven't lost a pound of what i gained when pregnant w/ timmy. oh well. i could stop eating, but then, why live?
    don't be so hard on yourself :) u are pretty funny

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  9. wait, this is not scott, this is suz, ha ha!!!

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  10. You should compile all these entries and make a book. You are such a good writer, hilarious, down-to-earth honest, and EBAYer taboot! Everyone woman in the country would by this book because we all can relate to you! The book would definitely be a best seller! (be sure to add your art in the book as well!)

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