"Snapped" out of it

I realize that my last post was awfully grouchy, but I am being honest about my ups and downs. There, no more apologies for my mood swings, you get it don't you? So yesterday after I came home from the library to post the toilet entry, I was thinking about my sisters and how they are all beautiful, skinny, and do everything right. I drew this picture called "The Fatly Duckling" to illustrate my plight.

I am one of nine sisters: Emily, Cheryl, Mary, Alison, Suzanne, Rebecca, Cathy, Julie: just two years older than me, but sadly we lost her to Hodgkin's Lymphoma 10 years ago. And me: Christina-Bina: there I am as the "The Fatly Duckling," Julie is the angel ducky. I realized each of my sisters have unique personalities, unique difficulties, and they have all struggled to lose weight at one time or another. But I think the drawing is still pretty funny.
Last night as I was dancing in the back yard to the music of my own pity-party I started to think: "What would Julie say to me right now?" And it came to me, instantly. She would say the same thing she said to me 10 years ago when I chose not to continue Cross Country after my knee injury, "Don't be such a baby, you can do it." Then I sighed, sat on the hammock swing and continued to self-loath. Back and forth, back and forth, "This is just so hard, and I gained three pounds, AGGHh, What if I REALLY get injured and can't continue at all? Maybe I'm just not meant to be thin," I teetered On and on: in the spiral of self-doubt, then SNAP, KERPLUNK!! In an instant I was laying on concrete with a web of hammock smeared around me, it broke, I fell. At first I was stunned. I looked at the dusk-stained clouds with my mouth agape. "Am I ok?" Then, I burst into unbelievable laughter. It was quite a site--a Disney exhausted mom lying on a dirty back porch cackling, like an evil witch, with child patting hair gently. It was too funny: I broke the hammock swing just as I was beating apart my insides about gaining a little weight. I HAD to laugh. And let's look on the bright side, I could have broken my back in the fall: not so for this fatty. I took the time to look at my left butt-cheek in the mirror. That fat blob absorbed most of the fall--it looked like someone branded me with a Belgian waffle iron. Needless to say I DID run this morning, the whole way, and FAST. Nothing snaps a girl back into weight-loss motivation like breaking a swing. When I have a second I will post the picture I took right after the fall, yes, it really happened.