If you have lost a nice chunk of weight--especially after having a child--you know all about the SKIN issues. Let's be completely honest with one another: having a baby is ugly business--at least for the epidermis. If you feel like you know me a little bit, you understand that I am not one for excessive vanity. I did not have a baby because I thought it would make me look cute, but common ladies!! At least warn a girl about the skin expansion! It's like time-lapse photography of continental drift from space. Or images of the melting ice-caps from a computer-generated global warming video. My skin is slowly eaten away by the polluted fat until I am one, big, blue, stretch-mark ball.
Despite the apparent bitterness, I am starting to forgive all of the skinny people I used to hate--as if they personally attacked my blood-relatives--(skinny brats, Marathon Barbie, and other epithets). But I will not EVER, never, forgive the people who say, "Oh, um, I don't know if I'm just different, but I didn't get ANY stretch marks when I was pregnant/gained weight/growing up." That is just plain mean! It feels like someone who says, "I have never liked fried food," or, "I wish I could eat more, but I'm just always so, like, full."
Even though I have lost quite a few inches and pounds, I have not lost the SKIN. The bulk is replaced by misplaced flaps and odd-looking rolls. A couple days ago I was drooling over a SPANKS catalogue--you know reasonable-sized celebrities aren't just magically flat under their clothes, they wear SPANKS. I really, really wanted to order a few things just to smooth out my silhouette. They were too pricey for my current situation, so I went to ROSS and found the comparable "Shapewear." I got a nice black pair of biker-short things that pulled all the way to my bra. They were size large, but they looked like they could fit my daughter's baby doll. It's amazing how they can make fabric quadruple in size. If only my skin was made the same way--what a mean trick. I was nervous about feeling like I couldn't breathe--but they were very reasonable. Have you ever heard the stories of nineteenth-century ladies fainting in church from their restrictive whale-bone corsets? The underwear people have advanced a lot since then, luckily for me. It worked out nicely and gave me smooth lines to wear a fitted, flattering dress. Just the perfect little accent to a shrinking waist-line.