Costco Coutour

Since my little darling was born, I boxed up all of my clothes (size 6 and 8) and marked them "CLOTHES THAT DON'T FIT ME YET." Sadly, they are still rotting in storage--it's ok. Right after she was born I wore T-shirts, scrubs, and pajama pants. About 8 months later I realized my body was not bouncing back on its own so I splurged on a few nice looking BIG MAMA clothes. Here is the mistake I made: I bought sizes that were HUGE on me--like XXXL. I tried to hide behind tent-like structures until the magical day when size 6 would come calling. Let me tell you something from personal experience---DON'T BUY TENT CLOTHES!! Although they may be comfortable and breezy, they only add inches to your silhouette. I am much bigger than before giving birth, but I still have a waist, and Big Mama clothes don't accentuate natural curves--they make me look like a big, fat, shipping crate. (By the way, Ally, Sweetie, if you are reading this sometime in the future, it is not your fault that I am fat, it is MY fault and mine alone. You are the best thing in my life and I would gain another 300 pounds if that was the only way I could keep you. Mommy's just trying to be healthy so we can do lots of fun things together for a long, long time.) Another benefit of wearing slightly form-fitting clothes (I'll pass on the silver body gloves for now) is that they make me focus on my posture and my shape. It is difficult to hide a weekend-binge bulge in a nice, fitted little top. If something feels a little bit uncomfortable--like it's tugging a little more--I know it's time to get my butt back on healthy habit highway.

As part of my goal to rid my wardrobe of tent-structures, I treated myself to a little shopping at Costco. I really like buying clothes there because I can take them HOME to try on and not have to worry about a 50-page return policy, the clothes are well-made, brand-names at reasonable prices (it's amazing how my Wal Mart clothes shred themselves to pieces), and most of the items feature a classic look instead of being overly trendy--I don't have money to buy new clothes each season. I picked a pair of jeans size 14--I haven't been able to pull size 14 over my hips in over two years--the audacity of hope. And two others, size 16, which I knew would fit comfortably. A few tops sprinkled on top and I was ready to go. This is the best part--each pair of pants had a zipper, and, can you imagine...Buttons!! Another little scapegoat I have used these past two years is the elastic waist--but I have come to the sobering conclusion that elastic wastes are for geriatric patients and pregnant women. Oh hum. I ran inside with my pile of clothes and FIRST tried on the size fourteen pair--and guess what? THEY FIT OVER MY HIPS. Don't get too excited though; my saggy hip flab spilled over generously into a king size muffin top (see above). And to button them would mean the end of my poor tailbone; and way too tight in all the wrong places--that wouldn't be fair to the innocent children. But I was happy nonetheless. I ended with just two shirts and said "No way" to the tent ones, and "Bye bye" to the buttons and zippers. I am not ready to be THAT uncomfortable yet. I have been spoiled. After my next 15 pounds I will make a point of buying myself a FLATTERING pair of real pants, something to work toward. But for now, I will watch my daughter devour that naughty Costco-dog while I dream of skinnier times and sip an ice cold diet coke. Ahhh