Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Bathing Cellu-suit Season

I know it has been a week, but I've had good intentions and even better excuses. I will be honest from the start. I only exercised three times last week and I've been eating like an obese wild boar in heat. I've had take-out from this place and that, extra sizzling butter on my Ruth's Chris steak, chocolate parfaits, and many more unmentionables for one who is trying to "Lose it." However, believe it or not, this past week would be a diet compared to a "Bad" week in my sedentary days, progress you see.

Me and my little family enjoyed a beautiful silver morning at Newport Beach complete with forget-your-troubles breeze, and a take-in-the-moment soothing sound of the splashing surf. Despite my poetic applause for the ocean, it put me in quite an emotional tizzy. The truth that has been screaming at me in stores, across ads, and with the weather finally splashed me in the face: it is bathing suit season.

My daughter loves to swim, and so do I, really you can't NOT swim here in the summer--it is sweltering. I've lost 25 pounds but there is no hiding the damage that has been done--stretch marks and curdled fat. I personally don't think bathing suits are flattering on ANYONE. Swimwear magazines are not fair--the models have the warning of the photo shoot, perfectly tinted skin, a fan blowing their hair, and of course, the digital air-brush touch-ups. Last year around the pool I modeled a two-piece number--black with white polka-dots, and a fanny-skirt that I thought covered my hips and thighs. Looking back I think that ugly thing actually ACCENTUATED all the wrong things, and it had NO support for the bazoombas. Needles to say, that one is going in the trash. I think I am going to dust off a simple one-piece Speedo suit: black, WITH cups.

I've been looking high and low for cover-ups that I can actually SWIM in. The little breezy things that tie around the waist are not enough. I can't afford the few seconds of shame it takes to toss it on my towel before plunging in the water. So, I went against all fashion advice and bought a nice, comfortable, swimmable pair of men's board shorts. Trust me, I looked at the ladies version of the board short, and "Short" is too mild a term--the way those tiny things ride up my cellu-butt--more like board thongs. I decided that because I'm usually only with my daughter--I don't have anyone to impress but her. And the most important thing to her is that mommy have fun in the pool. I might look like a chubby surfer dude with huge man-boobs, but I will be comfortable and free to PLAY. Now I just need an option #2 for when her daddy decides to come with us...


  1. Roxy makes board shorts that come a few inches above the knee. I bought a pair last summer and I love them. They are great for those chilly days when we're in and out of the pool or the ocean a lot. Also I can run around with Jordan and not feel self conscious about the leg jiggle. (did I really just type that?!!)

  2. I agree-- swimwear is not flattering. Anybody who has had a baby no longer has a perfect body. Personally, I'm a fan of boy-shorts (although I can't afford to buy them this year). http://www.limericki.com/browse.cfm/bottoms/2,3.html

    Also, LandsEnd has some high-quality great-supporting swimwear (although you pay for the quality) http://www.landsend.com/ix/womens-clothing/Women/Swimsuits/index.html?seq=1~2~3&catNumbers=83~134&visible=1~2~1&store=le&sort=Recommended&pageSize=72&tab=2&page=2

  3. Swimwear is awkward .. especially when you are a mom. You are constantly back and forth from the pool, to the chair .. etc. A good pair of board shorts will go a LONG way. I typically add to the outfit a pair of goggles so I can play 'mommy dolphin'. That counts as exercise .. right?

  4. here are some unitards? but if the board shorts are working thats good too. i could see how form-fitting unitards would still be annoying. here are some if you are interested:


    and there are some longer board shorts for girls here:


  5. so bina, in mexico, people just go swimming in their clothes. easy as that? when there is no money for a swimsuit, there is no trauma associated with buying one.
    who cares
    (go to the side of the santa monica beach by the pier and you will see what i am talking about)
    don't stress, and just have fun with cute little ally.

    can't wait to see you :)

  6. in india too, to be modest!!! everyone just runs into the water as they are :) it is ironically very freeing!

  7. The pool is open and I am not ready! I told Paul I'll be there in a turtleneck and stretch pants just like mom use to do.

    Or I'll be brave in my skirted landsend suit - check them out they've got great stuff!

  8. I'm waiting for them to bring back the 20's style suits with puffy knickers and puffy sleeved shirts so that we are all fully covered and no one call tell how big we really are underneath. Yes, that would be a dream come true!!