Bathing Cellu-suit Season

I know it has been a week, but I've had good intentions and even better excuses. I will be honest from the start. I only exercised three times last week and I've been eating like an obese wild boar in heat. I've had take-out from this place and that, extra sizzling butter on my Ruth's Chris steak, chocolate parfaits, and many more unmentionables for one who is trying to "Lose it." However, believe it or not, this past week would be a diet compared to a "Bad" week in my sedentary days, progress you see.

Me and my little family enjoyed a beautiful silver morning at Newport Beach complete with forget-your-troubles breeze, and a take-in-the-moment soothing sound of the splashing surf. Despite my poetic applause for the ocean, it put me in quite an emotional tizzy. The truth that has been screaming at me in stores, across ads, and with the weather finally splashed me in the face: it is bathing suit season.

My daughter loves to swim, and so do I, really you can't NOT swim here in the summer--it is sweltering. I've lost 25 pounds but there is no hiding the damage that has been done--stretch marks and curdled fat. I personally don't think bathing suits are flattering on ANYONE. Swimwear magazines are not fair--the models have the warning of the photo shoot, perfectly tinted skin, a fan blowing their hair, and of course, the digital air-brush touch-ups. Last year around the pool I modeled a two-piece number--black with white polka-dots, and a fanny-skirt that I thought covered my hips and thighs. Looking back I think that ugly thing actually ACCENTUATED all the wrong things, and it had NO support for the bazoombas. Needles to say, that one is going in the trash. I think I am going to dust off a simple one-piece Speedo suit: black, WITH cups.

I've been looking high and low for cover-ups that I can actually SWIM in. The little breezy things that tie around the waist are not enough. I can't afford the few seconds of shame it takes to toss it on my towel before plunging in the water. So, I went against all fashion advice and bought a nice, comfortable, swimmable pair of men's board shorts. Trust me, I looked at the ladies version of the board short, and "Short" is too mild a term--the way those tiny things ride up my cellu-butt--more like board thongs. I decided that because I'm usually only with my daughter--I don't have anyone to impress but her. And the most important thing to her is that mommy have fun in the pool. I might look like a chubby surfer dude with huge man-boobs, but I will be comfortable and free to PLAY. Now I just need an option #2 for when her daddy decides to come with us...